Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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