i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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