haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
