Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
