i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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