Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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