i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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