Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
