I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
