He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
