Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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