whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
