walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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