So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
