Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
