Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
