My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
