he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
