Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I currently don't understand fingers.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
