Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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