so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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