I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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