chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
