I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How external is "for external use only"?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Randomize
