I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize