so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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