we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
