just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
