There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
