haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
