I just pynch a tree in the face
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
