Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize