Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize