There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
