Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
