Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
