I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
