I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
