Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
how do you play pong handcuffed?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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