So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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