she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
