Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
