there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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