There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize