did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
