...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
