So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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