So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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