you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
