seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so let's talk penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
