so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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