Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
