thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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