In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i out mim tonsoeep
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