The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The beer is more important than you right now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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