We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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