Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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