I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
