i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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