my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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