I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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