how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
