Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
