I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
