I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
