The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
