I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
