dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
