You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
