Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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