don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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