I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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