I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
